Slipping through my fingers

It's New Year's Eve, and I've been very reflective -- and emotional -- this week about going back to work on Monday. I vividly remember a challenging night in late August when I was in the rocking chair with Owen, frustrated by him not wanting to go to sleep. I was letting it get the best of me when I stopped for a second and said, "You know, come January, you're going to wish you were back here in this moment so you'd better enjoy it now."

And I did. Despite some difficult moments, I've loved every minute I've spent with him in the last five months; in fact, I don't think I've ever spent so much time with one person, aside from maybe my mom when I was a baby. When I walked out of work on Aug. 5, Owen was still our "Lilo," and now he's all the things we love about Owen. While things will be different after Monday, I have to keep reminding myself that my time with him really isn't over, and that he and I will be just fine. It's just changing -- the first of many, many changes ahead. Still, that's the part that makes me a little sad. Colin and I just finished watching "Mamma Mia!" and this ABBA song "Slipping Through My Fingers" from the musical turned on the tears (again).

Slipping through my fingers all the time

I try to capture every minute

The feeling in it

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Do I really see what's in her mind

Each time I think I'm close to knowing

She keeps on growing

Slipping through my fingers all the time

...

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture

And save it from the funny tricks of time

Slipping through my fingers...

I said to Colin, "All of a sudden we're going to turn around and we're going to be at his wedding!" Already, Owen has grown and developed so much, he's almost indistiguishable from the baby we brought home from the hospital. But it's been fun to see the person he's becoming, and I can't wait to see him crawl, run, jump on the bed. He's got a fantastic smile and coughing-up-a-hairball giggle. He loves hearing the alphabet song and just about any music he hears. He's discovered how to move around -- and roll over -- in his crib. He doesn't like to nap more than 45 minutes, much to my dismay. Sometimes it sounds like he's saying "hi" to us. He's got this new way of reaching out to me when he wants to be picked up. And he's got a really full head of hair -- some of it blond.

Speaking of his full head of hair, that's a line from his theme song, and there's another milestone we need to mark -- the retirement of his red panda shoes, also a part of his theme song. I made up this song while driving when he was a few weeks old -- there was one particularly unpleasant stop at a red light and I was trying to entertain him. Now I sing it to him all the time.

O-wen, O-wen,

O-W-E-N

O-wen, O-wen,
O-W-E-N

He's the cutest kid that's ever been.

(chorus)

He's got a full head of hair

And big blue eyes

He's got red panda shoes

And a smile that's a mile wide

O-wen, O-wen,
O-W-E-N
O-wen, O-wen,

O-W-E-N

He's a kid who likes to keep movin'

(repeat until pulling in the driveway or he falls asleep)

This morning, when we were getting him dressed, I discovered the red panda shoes are now too small, or at least they were too small with the socks he was wearing. It's just another sign he's not a little baby any more -- but at least I can take some comfort in the fact that the 6-12 month pair of shoes is still too big.