Slipping through my fingers

It's New Year's Eve, and I've been very reflective -- and emotional -- this week about going back to work on Monday. I vividly remember a challenging night in late August when I was in the rocking chair with Owen, frustrated by him not wanting to go to sleep. I was letting it get the best of me when I stopped for a second and said, "You know, come January, you're going to wish you were back here in this moment so you'd better enjoy it now."

And I did. Despite some difficult moments, I've loved every minute I've spent with him in the last five months; in fact, I don't think I've ever spent so much time with one person, aside from maybe my mom when I was a baby. When I walked out of work on Aug. 5, Owen was still our "Lilo," and now he's all the things we love about Owen. While things will be different after Monday, I have to keep reminding myself that my time with him really isn't over, and that he and I will be just fine. It's just changing -- the first of many, many changes ahead. Still, that's the part that makes me a little sad. Colin and I just finished watching "Mamma Mia!" and this ABBA song "Slipping Through My Fingers" from the musical turned on the tears (again).

Slipping through my fingers all the time

I try to capture every minute

The feeling in it

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Do I really see what's in her mind

Each time I think I'm close to knowing

She keeps on growing

Slipping through my fingers all the time

...

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture

And save it from the funny tricks of time

Slipping through my fingers...

I said to Colin, "All of a sudden we're going to turn around and we're going to be at his wedding!" Already, Owen has grown and developed so much, he's almost indistiguishable from the baby we brought home from the hospital. But it's been fun to see the person he's becoming, and I can't wait to see him crawl, run, jump on the bed. He's got a fantastic smile and coughing-up-a-hairball giggle. He loves hearing the alphabet song and just about any music he hears. He's discovered how to move around -- and roll over -- in his crib. He doesn't like to nap more than 45 minutes, much to my dismay. Sometimes it sounds like he's saying "hi" to us. He's got this new way of reaching out to me when he wants to be picked up. And he's got a really full head of hair -- some of it blond.

Speaking of his full head of hair, that's a line from his theme song, and there's another milestone we need to mark -- the retirement of his red panda shoes, also a part of his theme song. I made up this song while driving when he was a few weeks old -- there was one particularly unpleasant stop at a red light and I was trying to entertain him. Now I sing it to him all the time.

O-wen, O-wen,

O-W-E-N

O-wen, O-wen,
O-W-E-N

He's the cutest kid that's ever been.

(chorus)

He's got a full head of hair

And big blue eyes

He's got red panda shoes

And a smile that's a mile wide

O-wen, O-wen,
O-W-E-N
O-wen, O-wen,

O-W-E-N

He's a kid who likes to keep movin'

(repeat until pulling in the driveway or he falls asleep)

This morning, when we were getting him dressed, I discovered the red panda shoes are now too small, or at least they were too small with the socks he was wearing. It's just another sign he's not a little baby any more -- but at least I can take some comfort in the fact that the 6-12 month pair of shoes is still too big.

Centerfold

I took Owen to have some three-month pictures taken a month ago and this one cracks me up. I call it his Burt Reynolds shot.

Rolling the other way

I have lots of updates to get to this week, but first I have to share Owen's new skill. The little guy managed to start rolling from front to back when he was just a few days old, but it took him a while longer to master going from back to front. In fact, it was his Christmas project, and he worked on it for days.

First, he'd get up on his side, but couldn't get any farther. Then he'd get his top leg down on the floor, but couldn't get himself over his bottom arm. Next he got up on the side and turned his head all the way around as he tried to build up some momentum, but still got stuck on that arm. Finally, on Sunday he gave himself the necessary last nudge and got himself over to his front.

He's now a pro and rolled at least four times today. I got one of them on video -- as you can see, he's pretty proud of himself!

Owen's four-month birthday

Owen is now four months old, and he's becoming a funny, charming, smily, joyful, determined and drooly littole boy. We lust love him more every day.

Here are some recent shots of the little fella -- don't you love his 80s-style feathered do?

Feliz Natal de Brasil

Feliz Natal! Our StalinBenester readers might be wondering what country we've chosen for our annual international holiday tradition. This year, we decided to leave Europe and looked across the Atlantic to Brazil, a country that's embarking on summer just as our winter gets going. Nothing wrong with a little wishful thinking, right?

For Owen's first Christmas, we'll enjoy watching him get a visit from Papai Noel, but it probably won't be like in Rio, where Papai Noel arrives by helicopter to a stadium filled with children. Maybe we will stage our own Auto de Natal, an outdoor Christmas play held in Rio, or dance to the bossa nova. And we'll have to put up a presepio, or nativity scene, as part of our decorations.

I'll have to do a little more research to find the best foods for our Brazilian meal. The book I got from the library about Christmas in Brazil suggests making an array of smoked meats, but I'm not sure I want to handle the beef tongue or pig's foot as suggested in the recipe. Maybe we should just go out to Samba, a Brazilian steakhouse in Madison, or I can make a tenderloin again like I did last year.

Last year, we celebrated Austria by watching "The Sound of Music," so any ideas for getting the essence of Brazil? ("City of God" was too violent and depressing, so I'm not sure I want to watch that again, especially for Christmas. "Blame it on Rio"? Maybe we should watch some old World Cup videos of Pele.)

Turning a page

One of my stranger personality quirks is that I can become oddly attached to stuff -- inanimate objects that can't feel back. And yet, when I part with something that’s somehow meaningful to me, I’m left with a little empty spot inside. Growing up, my idea of cleaning my room was putting all the things I didn’t need in my room in a Red Owl supermarket box and taking it to the basement. One spring, my dad had to drive me back to the car dealership where he’d just traded in our old car. I was in tears because I hadn’t properly said goodbye to it. Not until he assured me that the T-top on the old Olds would soon attract a loving new owner did I feel better about leaving it. Dumb, I know.

But so it was with my bookcases. My two, six-foot tall oak laminate bookcases that had been with me since elementary school. I remember going with my mom to Scandinavian Design to pick them out and then setting them up in my room. I did my homework on one of the middle shelves, which had a door that folded down into a desk. And for 20-plus years, those shelves lovingly held hundreds of books. This is no small task for someone who reads and collects books like I do, and those shelves saw it all, from the Sweet Valley High series to Anna Karenina and the Wisconsin Blue Book. In high school, my ski racing medals dangled from a ribbon I had nailed to the top of one of the side boards. I pinned things like postcards of James Dean and Elvis, notes from my BFFs and a silk rose from Homecoming to a piece of cork board I had attached on the side. Eventually, I grew up and took the bookcases with me to New York, where they provided tons of storage – a necessity in my 250-square foot apartment. And despite the belief of the moving guy who delivered my stuff in Brooklyn that they never should have been moved in the first place, they made the trip back to the Midwest with me. In fact, they moved three more times: To my apartment on Gilman St., to the guest room of our Oregon condo and finally to our home on Blackhawk Ave.

The problem was, they never were quite balanced right on our old hardwood floors here. The shelves were starting to sag a bit. And with an infant who will soon be on the move, I wasn’t sure they would withstand the Toddler Test. We know it well – the bookcases were the first stop for many little ones who visited our home: Walk in, run to bookcases, push books to the back of the shelf. I knew the best thing was to pack up my books and get rid of them until our kid is older or we have a library. But after I realized it was time to give them up, it took me a few months to actually do it. I packed up one bookcase a month ago, but the sight of it sitting there empty made it look forlorn and made me sadder. Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer and quickly packed up the second bookcase so I could move them out and make some room for Owen.

I listed them on Madison Freecycle Friday afternoon, and within an hour, I had a taker. John from New Glarus wanted them for his two “voracious readers” at home – his wife and 13-year-old daughter. I sent him a photo, we arranged a time for him to pick them up. With that, they were on their way out.

As I dusted them Friday night, I started to have the qualms. Maybe I didn’t need to get rid of them. Maybe we could put them in the basement! Or the garage! I told Colin I was having a bit of lister’s remorse. Still, I went back to the fact that they were being taken by readers. I was giving them the best possible new home, where they’ll live happily with new readers -- a girl who once read seven books at once -- and house a whole new bunch of books. Freecycler John came this morning and loaded them up into his Red Taurus station wagon and now our living room looks a whole lot bigger -- and emptier. But I’ll turn the page to my next chapter -- exploring life with my son and making him a reader, too.

Giggles

Owen has a fantastic, hearty laugh that makes me giggle when I hear it build up from a few burbles to end with a squeal. Something about how I was shaking his rattle was hysterical and he unleashed this laugh for a good 10 minutes.